As a woman, who identifies as dominant in the DS sense - that I prefer to be in charge in relationships, that I wish for mastery of self and mastery of others, I've been very frustrated in my experience of the bdsm community.
Aside from a few rare events solely orchestrated by women FOR women, the male-centric worldview keeps ticking along without any challenge.
Even a quick glance at the porn available for female domination reveals very little actual female domination. It's all about the hot plastic staged pro-domme, more interested in the camera, and much more interested in the money than anything else, being ordered around by the so-called submissive in the scene. It's still all about what the man wants, and a "true" domme is one who delivers the pain and sex that the man desires, in exchange for his money. All the pictures of this, are made for male bottoms, but labelled as female domination - NOT as female topping!
In the scene, a curious dichotomy of opinion on Pro-Dommes arises because of this fact. Some hate them for catering to men, and say they're nothing more than whores with whips. Some of them are nothing more than whores with whips, and do escort services as well. Others provide a service of pain that these men crave, but are too craven to ask their girlfriends or wives to provide and have a high level of professional quality in their work. (EDIT - Please read comment below by Galiana Chance about other aspects of Pro-Domination, expressed MUCH better than I could say!)
But there's another dichotomy around Lifestyle Dominants. Rarely do you see male so-called dominants telling another male dominant that all they really need is a true male dom to reveal their submissive side for them. Conventionally (and sometimes unconventially) attractive females, of any orientation, are constantly harrassed in local community events, until they prove they deserve their place.
Me? I'm young, beautiful, and completely asexual. I don't want or need sex to feel fulfilled. I've rarely ever felt sexual attraction to anyone. Because of that, I feel completely marginalized in the bdsm community. As a female dominant, I'm expected to want to have sex with my submissive(s). If I take his gifts and his money, I'm an evil financial domme and, for not providing sex, I'm an evil user not a "true" domme, and I should be providing a service for the money! If I had sex, I would be nothing more than a glorified prostitute, which is even more of a turn-off. Showing up at an event, I get swarmed by men, many of whom attempt to pinch my butt, until it gets out that I'm dominant. Because, it's totally acceptable to pinch a strange woman's butt at a party! I mean, wtf?
My first introduction to bdsm was in high school. The school's token "goth" dressed in black and led her boyfriend around on a leash. They both seemed to really enjoy shocking the normals. I didn't care.
After that, repeated attempts by men to be abusive to me, or to get me to dress up in leather and whip them for their pleasure, just put me off men more and more. Women mean nothing to me sexually, so now I'm left unattracted to either sex. It wasn't until I started researching bdsm more seriously after exiting a completely abusive relationship where the man had pretended to be sweet, kind, caring, and submissive to me - until I moved in - that I realized what I'd been missing my entire life.
I am a dominant woman. Despite the attempts of people around me to "break" me and make me something other than what I am, they can't break my fantasies. I crave being in control, in charge, worshiped and adored. Although I like to give pain, it's not important to me. Nothing is important to me but knowing that my slave is obedient and intelligent in his service to me. I want to know, that my life and my happiness, is more important to him, than his life and his happiness. It has nothing to do with hot kinky sex, just pure DS. A vanilla life, with kids, where I happen to simply be in charge, and where the man works his ass off to please me. Buck stops here. I come first, always, as a matter of course, which gives me the freedom to then consider his needs and his interests.
As for the slave? Try being a man. A strong, gentle, kind, intelligent, helpful, adorable, geeky MAN. Who obeys me. Who likes getting tied up. Who doesn't need to be tied up or beaten but enjoys it when it happens. Who has a solid base of vanilla wholesomeness. Who respects himself but obeys me because he WANTS THIS.
This, isn't shown in the media. It's always some hot chick in leather or latex being ordered to fuck a guy in the ass, or to lick her pussy. Men look at this, get turned on by tits-ass-cunt, think that they want a "female dominant" and go to a local party where they try to "hook up" with a woman who will do all the nasty dirty naughty things they're ashamed of wanting, while wearing materials they find hot.
Obey me when I'm wearing a tshirt and jeans, not just when I'm wearing a leather corset. When I've been sick for a week and smell like a dumpster, not just when I'm freshly showered and coiffed and prettified. When you don't want to do what I want, but you do it anyway because I want it. Because you chose this, because you're not just a slave, but MY slave. Because you love me.
I am a Twoo Domina. Hear me rawr!