Maybe submissive men join the community, run into the wall of silence maymay writes about, attempt to make themselves into pathetic worms to attract sexy, cruel Dominants, and miss the point that many Dominant women don't want pathetic worms anyway. That's scene stuff. All relationships are based on vanilla.
Let me repeat that again. ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE BASED ON VANILLA.
Kinky relationships can be formed through play, but there's still a big core of vanilla flowing through that. Why? Because if you don't respect someone for the way they act and present themselves, you're not going to want to play with them. That's vanilla.
Personally I find a lot of submissive men to be creepy. Some of them don't even BATHE. Then they talk about how they "scored" with this Dominant woman and that Dominant woman, which is just completely disrespectful and misogynistic. If you're a misogynistic worm who hates women and feels that you really are pathetic, don't worry about taking my advice, just make sure you have a lot of money to throw at the Superior Goddess who will crush your pathetic self. I'm sure that's also a fun fantasy for some.
Some men seem to want what I want but be completely clueless about how to go about making it happen.
So here's a few tips if you're looking for a down-to-earth Dominant woman:
- Personal grooming
You wouldn't want a Domme who didn't try to bathe at least once a week right? So treat your future Domme with respect and make sure you don't smell bad. More than once a week is better. A little soap and water never hurt anyone!
Get a good haircut that makes you more handsome and complements the shape of your face. Take a picture on your phone and go to a cheaper salon next time, with pictures of exactly what you want.
- Control your desperation
Complete with awesome video!
- Work out just to feel more confident about yourself
You don't need to be chiseled but you will feel better if you're strong, and that will allow you to better serve your future Mistress. If you enjoy your body we'll enjoy it more too.
- Have self-discipline
Don't wait for a Mistress to take charge of your life, order you to eat better, to work out, to take up that hobby you always wanted to learn, to look for a new job.
- Show manners
Be a gentleman. Hold doors, offer - quickly - to pick up things that are accidentally dropped, eat without spilling things all over yourself.
- Have a self to share with her
The problem with clay - for the submissive - is that it dries out if it doesn't get worked over.
The problem with clay - for the Dominant - is that it gives us nothing to be attracted to in the first place. Who are you? Boring, beige-grey, formless. Umm yeah that's so sexy.
We need to know your strengths and weaknesses. In a play scene or in a relationship, you hand both over to us to be shaped. More stone or *cough* wood, than clay. Have substance. Be a person first and a submissive person after.
As part of having a self, think about yourself and what YOU want. Inform yourself of what type of submissive you are. Some men come to me looking to order me how to fuck them. That's not a submissive, that's a bottom. If you're just looking for kinky sex in the bedroom that's fine! I'm not the Dom for you but there are some women who just want that also. Honesty and openness are your best bet for actually getting what you need. These distinctions are important now that there are more people in the community than ever before. In smaller communities, you can get away with top/bottom. Now there's service tops and masochistic Dominants and it's all complicated. But with a little education and self-knowledge it doesn't have to be. These labels are tools for us all to be able to find a better match faster.
If you know what you want, and both people are honest, there's no need to call people names when you're just not the right match. Nobody is a "fake sub" or a "user Dom" anymore. Aside from predatory abusers of course.
Don't let the scene get you down. I know that's really tough, it's tough for me too. Look for events and munches specifically for female Dominants and submissives, it'll have a better vibe, more appreciation for the unique gifts of the submissive male. (Or hey, females too.)
Remember that you are the other half of the same coin, and you deserve the same basic respect out-of-scene that any other person does. Be strong and proud to be submissive. Know that just for admitting your submissiveness in current culture you're a very brave man. (It takes less bravery for a woman to admit submissiveness, despite feminism.)
In mixed events, don't let male dumbinants get you down. They are unable to submit, they will never have the wonderful experiences you will even though they may have other wonderful experiences. And you will.
Personally, I'm Dominant partially because I'm a wuss. I can't take that pain. I also really hate it when people order me around. Knowing that you enjoy me doing that to you, something unthinkable for me, gives me a HUGE RUSH.
So have consideration for your future Dominant or Mistress or Sir, and take care of yourself. Especially if you want to be property, treat yourself as something valuable. Because you are. You really are valuable and amazing.