Not much to say

At least, about bdsm, kink, or asexuality. Not right now.

I could write about the loneliness of holidays marketed as a family event when I'm unlikely to ever have a family, but that's too much self-pity for me right now.

If you're reading this, have a better holiday than I will. Ho Ho Ho.

On Being Interviewed

Recently I was interviewed by submissiveProud.

It was a bit of a shock to see something I said as an offhand comment given such prominence but I guess I can't control how others react to my words. For me, saying "I would like to empower other women to be more open about their dominance" is much less important than empowering submissive males to stand up for their right to be sweet, caring, and kind human beings.

Too often this society devalues basic qualities of kindness and consideration for others as weak. The language of insult is to compare to a woman.

These things push the male who is in touch with his whole humanity to consider himself more female rather than more whole. It gives rise to such phrases as "getting in touch with his feminine side" and ultimately to men who hate being men. The lack of sensual, pretty, beautiful clothing for men leads to men who crave artistic, beautiful, and sensuous clothing to turn to sissification, because they have no option to be beautiful creatures as men.

Can we just put the whole nonsense behind us as a species, please?

Kindness doesn't make you weak, it makes you strong. Harshness makes you weak. We all need to depend on each other, and isn't it so much nicer to be able to do so from trust and caring?

Sensuality is as much a human need and right as eating. Beauty uplifts the spirit, and being able to consider the self as beautiful is another source of self-esteem, making for a stronger person.

Is it really important that I said I'd like to empower other women? Are there so few voices of a female Dominant viewpoint out there that this could be considered important?

I'd like to empower everyone to have the freedom to choose what is right for them. Not for others, but just for them.

Let male Dominants be allowed to be Dominant, just educate them to not be assholes who think that all women should be subjugated. Let female Dominants be allowed and supported to be Dominant also. Let the beautiful slave women who love being slaves, be slaves. Let the switches be switchy. Let the men who love to be giving and to kneel, be allowed to give and to kneel. Let both women and men grow in beauty and power, and know they have the ability to choose whether to give or to receive that power.

The Story of Twoo Domina and the Five Love Languages

How I feel loved:

1. Words
   These are nice but not that important. If any of the others are missing I will stop belief in the pretty words and trust you less and less.
2. Time
   Again this is not that important to me. Some time together is necessary but I often prefer doing activities together, than being social. My time alone with myself to recharge who I am is more important to me, and intruding on that time is an act of aggression. I even like to sleep alone. Same room? Maybe, if you don't snore, and if you've been good, and if I don't need time alone.
3. Gifts
   Maybe a little shallow but this does mean to me that you care enough to put your money where your mouth is. If you call me beautiful, then buy me beautiful things - and kinky things to hit you with. If you say you love me, then buy things to support my career or my charitable goals, or my non-kink playtime.
4. Service
   So very important. I do not feel loved when the dishes are not done, the beds messy, the floor disgusting. Gifts do not make up for lack of service!
5. Touch
   More important than touch is when to not touch. Yes, I love cuddling, and I looooooove having my feet massaged and spoiled. But when I need to be alone, I need to be ALONE.

How I give love:

I don't know. My distrust of words has made it difficult for me to say "you are beautiful and I'm grateful you're in my life" in the past. It's also very difficult for me to include another being in my world, because I have been so very alone I'm used to it now. Gifts? How could I give a gift to a slave. Would putting a slave to service count for him as my service to him? Touch is again, difficult to give.

I look at this and I feel ashamed, that I would be taking more than giving. Who would give himself for so little back? Are there men who desire this kind of constant giving, who feel more fulfilled by giving than by receiving? Who need to be needed, so much, that the giving would be enough?

Affection

"We know that you're not very high on sexuality. But what are your thoughts/opinion/feelings toward things such as : affection, tenderness, sensuality, cuddling, kissing, preliminaries, etc. How much do you need and enjoy these in a relationship? Do you fear going there because most guys will try to push it further? Would it feel better with a submissive guy that you know will never cross the line that you set?"

Affection, tenderness, and sensuality are wonderful. Kissing makes me uncomfortable as well, and preliminaries - such as oral or touching me - are right out. I love putting a man in bondage because well, he can't touch me when he's all tied up. I can explore his body with my fingers or with a crop and make it a beautifully sensual experience for both of us. I enjoy CFNM (clothed female naked male) for the same reason. He is accessible, I am not.

But then he wants more. He wants to get off. He wants to touch me, to please me. That's a valid need, for most people, but not for me.

Even submissive men have pressed for this, or, so-called submissive men. Or they have turned on me with blame and humiliation for not being sexual enough for them. Understandably I'm not into that dynamic. So how do I know for sure they will never cross the line I've set? Sex is powerful, to play with tease and denial is to play with fire.

It would take a rare man to always submit himself to me in that way, no matter how much I tease, to keep self-control because I will it of him.

Rewarding the submissive without sex?

So now I ask you a question: In what ways can you be rewarded when sex is not happening?

In reading Denying Thumper, it seemed that often he was rewarded for his denial and chastity by pleasing his mistress sexually. It is still gratifying for a man to see his woman enjoying herself and having an orgasm, this intensifies his desire for one himself simply because it is so hot for him to see her that way and makes chastity a bearable pain. Something worth going through, for her.

So what would reward you in a relationship if you never see her orgasm, if you never have that reward of her pleasure? If it never gets hot and steamy and amazing?

Personal Questions

There is some curiousity about what I'm like in real life, not as words on a blog. This is understandable. However I will not be answering certain questions that would make it easy to find me in person. I hope that can be understood as well. There are sometimes things I may say about the scene, and they are not about the scene in Quebec City, but where I was before. These things could be a violation of privacy - if it's known where, the who would be too easy to know. I have not entered the scene locally as I had a very bad experience and am hesitant to open myself to that again.

I will however answer some questions about who I am and what I like in vanilla.

"Outside of D/s relationships, what are your main passions or hobbies?"

I am ashamed to say, but I love to play videogames, especially RPGs such as Oblivion and the upcoming Skyrim has me very excited. I also like to read about cooking, although it never seems to turn out like the beautiful pictures when I try. Never trust a thin cook?

"What kind of social activities would you like to share with your submissive boyfriend?"

With a slave or two I would like to enjoy occasional nights out, all of us dressed up, perhaps visit an art gallery and laugh at what people call art, then eat at a fine restaurant and relax to a beautiful concert, perhaps some kind of chamber music.

On a more regular basis I would like to play games together after dinner, he would bring me my chocolate and cookie and together we would slay monsters.

The most important shared activity would be as a workout partner. I am rehabilitating from injury and am a couch potato now but I used to love sports. Even some walking, yoga, minimal weights for me, while he would work out more strenuously, would be a fun time. Plus I can watch him when it's too much for me. These things are so much more fun with another soul to share it.

 "You mentioned shamanism and spirituality in bdsm, what is your spirituality and how important is it to you?"

That's going to have to be another blog post.

As you can see I am a very boring person, nothing exciting or dashing. Oh well.

Is my asexuality positive choice or innate?

Started to respond to an email but realized it would be better as a post. The question was if my asexuality was a positive choice.

I read once on Fetlife, a comment where someone stated that rape makes women find more enjoyment in rough sex afterwards. This opinion was stated as fact. FACT! Someone had a hidden agenda there, to destroy women's enjoyment of sex completely all over the world. But many take this as true, when the opposite is true. Rape, real rape, makes people find less enjoyment in sex.

As for me, I started off not needing or wanting sex to be happy, and to have fun with it was a huge effort not really worth my time for such a temporary enjoyment, that I made as a concession to my vanilla partners, as an attempt to seem normal. Yes I had fun, but it was still messy and uncomfortable and I'd rather just play videogames together, or beat him. After the constant pressures to be sexual for other people but not for myself, I find sex disgusting and non-sexy. Don't get me wrong, I have had great sex. I just find it non-important. Now I have health issues where I can't have intercourse, and they still press for it! Pathetic.

I despise those who can't control themselves. If I don't respect someone for their character and morals I find them less and less attractive. That I control my desires much more easily is perhaps unfair but this control should be a goal for everyone. A big sexual drive should never be something used as an excuse to ignore and dehumanize others' needs. So you have a big drive? Go tire yourself out to the point you are capable to behave well with others.

Sexual dominance in animals is often born of the amount of sex drive they have. So then, too, people claim that I can't possibly be Dominant while being asexual. I am quiet, soft-spoken, sensual not hard, so of course, I must be submissive, no? They then try to dominate me into sex! Again a turnoff, not only ignoring my sexual needs but my emotional ones as well. Then puzzled that I could possibly turn down all that man! Pathetic, again. I am always clear about what I want and what I need, people ignore that and don't understand why I'm not happy to jump into bed with them? How stupid.

How unsexy is stupidity.

Then the despair that all men are stupid and half of women also. The always feeling very alone, but happier alone than with others because of the lack of pressure to be something I'm not.


So I was not quite asexual to start off with - capable of feeling attraction, capable of orgasm, but my drive was close to nonexistent.

Even looking at celebrities other women want, I get no response, no buzz. These are celebrities - men with looks, money, talent, power - and I don't want them. Some regular guy wants me, what does he bring to me, when I don't even want a man for looks, money, talent, and power all together?

Now so many things are a turnoff that I choose to identify as asexual, in order to avoid constant explanations of where the boundaries are, and exactly how meaningless sex is for me: Look, but don't touch. It was not a positive choice at all. I would have preferred a considerate, sexy, smart, moral, capable man with the self-control to wait for me to have that moment of actually wanting sex, months, even years. Now I don't want it at all because after being attacked and pressured over and over, my needs and desires ignored, has made it all sour. There is no sweetness in the world to fix this.


You can't unpressure. You can't unrape. You can't undominate someone who hated every second of your clumsy attempt and you can't make them undespise you for trying. So have self control in the first place and listen to what the person tells you they need.

Feminine Superiority

"Do you believe women are naturally superior? Or that the world would be better if women were in control and all men were submissives to their wives/girlfriend?"

No.

I think that's just as much a trap as thinking that all men are naturally superior and that all women should be submissive. I've met male and female submissives who were happy and fulfilled, and male and female submissives who were really switches, and males and females who were Dominants. Should I force a Dominant man to become my slave by breaking his spirit and allowing him no option to be his true self? No, same as I would hate that to be done to me!

What works for me in my relationships to make me feel happy and fulfilled in them, may not work for others.

What I do believe, is that the values of femininity are something that is much needed in this world: kindness, consideration, empathy, wholistic thinking. Consideration for future generations of the Earth, stewardship of our natural resources rather than exploitation, these should be a matter of course, not something special, and especially not something mouthed by politicians to gain votes then ignored after.

But this is a fault of the quality and type of leadership we have in the world today, not a matter of gender. Divisive tactics, jealousy and insecurity, have been allowed to lead for too long. The women who have been allowed into high position in the world have all exhibited these same fractured morals and values, because they have risen through the same system, and cut off their natural values in the same way the men had to do in prior generations.

The world is big enough to share! There are enough natural resources to feed ALL the world's population! We have the technology!

I believe that men who act with honour, integrity, and quality leadership may in fact deserve their Dominant position in their personal relationships just as much as I do in mine. That those who find meaning in being a slave - may find it, no matter their gender or orientation or identity.

To me, a world where all women are dominant and all men slaves is unbalanced. I would have preferred a world of complete equality when I was younger, before I knew that some people truly do wish to be slaves and find joy in that. Before I had any relationship of my own and before I realized that in any relationship, there is a leader and a follower, and though the outer, visible roles may change based on what's happening in life, the true dynamic is that one surrenders to the other more naturally.

I myself will never surrender naturally. Lost in the grip of a fantasy so strong, that to not follow it would break me. Anyone who loves me, would have to love that about me - that I must be the one in charge. I need it like I need air. You must allow me this, and surrender your power to me, to be used by me for the both of us.

Alone, I am in charge of myself. Together, I must be in charge of you. It's how I am made. But I will not dictate that as the one Twoo way for others.

I'm back!

It was not a cold. It was a full-blown, miserable flu. I didn't event want to get out of my comfortable blankets to cook much less look at the computer screen, even though I missed you all. Now that I feel human again I will be happy to write more and answer my correspondence!

You, my readers, make this blog what it is. You challenge me to think, to understand, to express. You are my mentors and my cheering section. This little blog of my thoughts and feelings, has become something that inspires others as you inspire me. It gives me hope that I'm not as alone as I thought. It's wonderful.

Thank you.